AspenFirst, a little background. Mark and I have had some discussions lately about our family, and one part of our discussions has been about recognizing the many great qualities Aspen has, and not being so hard on him. Since Aspen is the oldest and SO MUCH like Mark, he tends to be harder on him, and loses his cool with him more than with the girls.
Last night I went to a jewelry party. I left Willow in bed, and Mark, Aspen and Journey playing flashlight hide-n-go-seek. They were having a blast. At bed time, Mark lifted Journey into Aspen's bed (he has a loft bed) for prayers. This was NOT okay with Aspen. He is very (rediculously, over the top) territorial of his room and bed, and hates it when the girls go in his room. To the point that, I think, Mark instigates things like this to confront the issue.
Since I wasn't home, Aspen wasn't able to pit Mark and I against each other to get his way. In this situation, when I'm home, I'll admit we generally will just divide and conquer. I'll take one kid and Mark will take the other to pray with to avoid the conflict.
Anyways, Aspen proceeded to throw a fit, yelling at Journey to get out, screaming in frustration as Mark wouldn't back down in asking him to give a good reason why Journey couldn't be in his bed for a prayer. Apparently this lasted for a good 20 minutes. Pouting, bad attitudes, yelling, screaming, etc. All the while, Mark kept his cool, didn't raise his voice or freak out on him (something very difficult for him because Aspen knows how to press all his buttons!).
Finally Mark told Aspen that he was hurting Journey's feelings by being so rude (one of the reasons he said he didn't want her in his bed was that sometimes she stinks, not true, but one of his "reasons" nonetheless). All the while he was throwing his fit, she was sitting quietly on his bed, sometimes quietly interjecting that "God wants us to be nice and get along". Eventually they prayed.
Just as Mark was tucking Journey into bed, her nightlight went out. Now she is crying (scared, more about that later). Aspen volunteered that he might have an extra bulb in his room and went to look. Mark said he could see the gears in his head turning, thinking about whether to give her his nightlight, but he didn't say anything. There were no more bulbs, and Mark went to try to appease Journey by propping the door open a little to let some light in.
While Journey was still crying, Aspen came in quietly with his own nightlight. Not only did he give Journey his nightlight, but he apologized for hurting her feelings and not letting her in his room.
Mark said he was overwhelmed with the whole scene as Aspen came in with a true, genuine, heartfelt apology, and Journey responded with forgiveness, saying "I forgive you, Bubba". The whole night ended in hugs and loves, and Journey felt safe knowing that her brother came through for her and felt bad for hurting her feelings.
This morning, Aspen retold the whole story to me, but added that "in the dark, when no one could see, there was water coming down my cheeks" when he thought about what he said and how he made her feel.
Mark ended the night feeling pretty incredible. He made it through the stress and drama without loosing his cool, and he got to witness a beautiful scene of love and forgiveness between Aspen and Journey.
It also opened our eyes to see how Aspen manipulates us by pushing Mark's buttons until he looses it, and then uses that against him by saying things like "you don't love me" or "you are always mad at me".
We love our sweet boy, but man, does he keep us on our toes!
