Thoughts On Preschool

I had a girl's night out with some friends from hygiene school lately. I love getting together with them. We are all in the same stage of life in marriage and small kids, and I always leave with so much to think about. This time it was my view on preschool.

I have been planning on not having Aspen go to preschool. For me it doesn't seem like a big deal. I didn't go to preschool or kindergarden. My mom homeschooled me through first grade then I went to 2nd at a private school. The closer Aspen gets to the age of preschool, the more I realize how abnormal it is for kids not to go. I am feeling a lot of pressure from all sorts of people as to why I wouldn't have him go! I never expected it or realized it was such a big deal.

There are a few reasons I have been against having him go......

1. It seems unnecessary to me! Isn't it just supervised play?
2. I feel like the first 5 years are my years where I have the most influence on what is put into him.

3. I want him to have time to just be a kid and not be pushed into school before he is ready.

4. I fear that he will not do well in a structured environment and be burnt out on school before he is really in it.

I have been thinking a lot about this subject and have realized that it goes deeper. I kind of feel like I would be taking the easy way out if I put him in preschool. Like I would be admitting that I "need" the break and preschool would be a way to get that. I know I am a perfectionist, but I don't want to take the easy way out when it comes to raising my kids. I want to make the most of the one on one time I have with them while they are young and don't have a lot of other influences pulling for their attention. I want them to learn scripture and be able to apply it to their lives. I want them to know how much God loves them and how to love others.

I realized that I haven't prayed about it yet and have made this decision partially based on how I feel having him go to preschool would be viewed by people close to me that see it as unnecessary and out of my fear of doing the easy thing vs. the right thing. So I guess I have a lot to think/pray about......

Nailed

This week in my Bible study, our leader challenged us to think of something we would like to "nail" to the cross on Friday and something that we would like to be "resurrected" on Easter Sunday. It was a great challenge and really got me thinking.
On Friday I would like to put up my "spiritual baggage". Meaning all my preconceived ideas of what it looks like to be a good Christian or what it looks like to have a relationship with God. I have struggled a lot with this and just end up giving up because I'm not sure if I'm doing it right and don't want to force it and it be fake. I would like a true desire to know and spend time with God "resurrected" on Sunday.

He Keeps Me On My Toes

Aspen is a loving, sweet boy, but is also very challenging, high maintenance and manipulating.
He has been very challenging for me in the last couple weeks. I have a few stories of what he has been doing.....

Every time we go to our favorite coffee shop, Coffee's On, Aspen gets a chocolate covered gummy bear instead of us getting a chocolate covered coffee bean. It's one of those things that you let happen once and they never forget. I work hard to make sure he says "thank you", but this particular day made me realize that he needs A LOT more work in this area!
So we go in and he immediately starts jumping up and down chanting "I want a gummy bear! I want a gummy bear!" over and over. Ahhh! My blood pressure is already starting to rise...
I am holding Journey, trying to order my drink and am also trying to get Aspen to stop. This is embarrassing. The girl gives him a gummy bear and he now starts asking for two. I try to tell him "no", but they offer him two. But then he changes his mind and wants some regular ones. I'm trying to tell them no, he doesn't need that, chocolate ones are just fine, but in the background he is jumping up and down about the regular ones and they agree. Now they produce a cup of regular gummy bears. Aspen says "thank you" as he takes the cup, but then looks in it and notices that there are no green ones (favorite color). He starts whining to me about having no green ones. At this point I am just trying to get him to stop talking. I am really embarrassed by his behavior, but it only gets worse. He is getting really worked up about there being no green ones and the girl behind the counter now knows that he wants a green one. I am trying to grab his hand so we can get out of there, but he dodges me and in the process spills the whole cup of gummy bears. Now he is freaking out, screaming and crying. There is no reasoning with him at this point. AHHH!!!! Why me? Of course the girl feels bad and gives him another cup. I get out of there as fast as I can (apologizing as I go) and as soon as we get to the car, I take the cup. He has lost his privilege of gummy bears and I am steaming.
Yes, I look like a horrible mom and it's embarrassing, but like my mom says, you see the things you need to work on at home when you are out in public. How true!

One more story. Aspen has been giving me problems with napping. Right before we go down, he always goes to the bathroom. Well, he has been giving me the "I have to go to the bathroom" routine every 20 minutes, thus he doesn't take his nap that he really needs. So a couple days ago we went through the whole routine. The second time he got up I told him that if he got up again, he would get a spanking. About 20 minutes later he is calling me yet again....
I go up and with a little smirk on his face he announces that he has just peed his pants! "No you didn't, you better not of" I say. "Yes, I did" he says matter of factly. And I just knew right then that he did it on purpose. On purpose! He wants to control and manipulate the situation so much that he peed his pants on purpose. What do I do now? I am so glad I have Mark to get more insight on this. Aspen tries to control every situation he is in and can make everything into a power struggle. I have my hands full.

Where I'm At...

I have had a lot bouncing around in my head that I wanted to write about for the last couple days. Of course, now that I find the time, I can't remember what it was....how annoying.

I guess I'll just write about where I am at right now. Back in January I started going back to a Bible study group that I had been apart of before Journey was born. I took a year off once I had her because I couldn't bring her to the group and I wasn't ready to take her to the child care, summer time and nap schedules. Lots of excuses, but I am glad to be back.
I have never been a very open, friendly person and I have been feeling challenged to work on that area in my life. Both Aspen and Journey are very friendly and love to say "hi" to everyone who walks by us in the store, all the cashiers, neighbors, etc. My natural reaction to those situations is to ignore people and just get the job done. It's horrible and dumb, but I have the hardest time making eye contact with people. I'm sure it is rooted in insecurity. But it is something I don't want to model for my kids and hopefully won't pass down to them.
So when I am at the store, I am purposefully making eye contact with the cashiers and trying to remember to be friendly. I feel dumb that it is even a tough thing for me, but I have to start somewhere. I just pray that someday God will take my weakness and make it a strength.

Journey's Birthday

As I was looking through my pictures, I just realized I never posted birthday cake pictures of Journey. So here they are. Better late than never, right?

Bedtime Routine

Aspen is 3 1/2, almost 4 years old now. For about the last 6ish months our bedtime routine with him is to pray and tell him a story. His favorite stories from me are "hurt" stories and the favorite ones with Daddy are hunting stories. I try to stick with true stories from my childhood because I remember always wanting to hear stories of my parents childhoods and it never seemed like they could remember much. Aspen loves to hear the ones where I got hurt - stapled my fingers together at 1 1/2 years old, got pinched by a crab, broke a toe, cut my leg and had to be on crutches, etc. I am always trying to rack my brain to remember more stories!

Lately, Aspen likes to tell us stories after we tell him ours. These stories usually include his "brother" John and them hunting, shooting, blowing up, beating someone up.....you get the picture. They always start out with, "Once apon a time....". I'm not sure where get gets that from because I have never said that. He has a very vivid imagination and it is fun to get a glimpse into how his brain works. He has a lot of adventures with "John" who is 6 years old and lives with his "other mom". So funny. Of all the names in the world, why John???! We recently met someone named John and his eyes got huge and he whispered "MOM!! That's the name of my brother!!"

They Love Each Other!

I am loving how sweet Aspen is with Journey. He just loves her. He tells me almost everyday how pretty he thinks I am and has started to tell Journey how pretty she is too! So sweet.

Lately, Journey's favorite thing to do is play with the books.........well, more accurately, she likes to sit by the shelf of books and pull them all out and look at them. Her favorite books are the ones with the pictures of animals. Aspen has fun sitting next to her and piling all the books and toys on top of her. By the end, you can only see her shoulders and head. He thinks it's hilarious :) He also enjoys tickling her under her chin. She is very ticklish there and loves the attention from her big brother.

I really love watching their relationship with each other develop. Oh, and that reminds me of one other cute thing - Journey fell asleep in the car yesterday holding Aspen's hand. Aspen was loving it and figured that it meant that he would have to go to sleep with her when he got home (he's not allowed in her bed).
This is something I have prayed for, and although I know there will be rocky times (thinking junior high years) I really hope that they will have a close relationship as they grow up and become adults.